I just threw up on my dentist
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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