whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
