can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
