Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
