This is not my ceiling
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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