Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Say something about gay babies.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
