how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
