Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I hate all girls vehemently.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
