he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
