I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
