How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
