marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My dick has a subreddit
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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