What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
