If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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