I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
