Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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