I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When did angry sex become our thing?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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