She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
