Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
