Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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