can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
