toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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