So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
