32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
