That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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