i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
