these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
