Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
