A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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