I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
