how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
