Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
