I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
