I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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