fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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