OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize