I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
