***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize
