i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
