A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
