I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
