8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
