eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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