So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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