I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
