In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
