there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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