I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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