a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
