I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize