the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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