i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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