It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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