She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
