i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize