Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
