About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
