3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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