I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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