i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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