I didn't shave. On purpose
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
