Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
