dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
