I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
