New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
