I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize