I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize