one might say we're banned from that church
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
