guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize