I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize