i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
