as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
