drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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