you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Someone signed my nipple.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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